Trauma.

Trauma in a person life, no matter how big or small, changes you. In my own life there have been many years of trauma, no need to go into the details right now, other then to say I have spent my life, trying to convince myself that I am ok, and that the trauma that happened in my life wasn't really that bad. BUT I was lying to myself and to the world around me,

It has changed me, and I am just beginning to realize just how much it has changed me..some ways for the better, but right now I am seeing all the hurtful ways it has changed me. The constant fear.

I was talking to a dear friend tonight, and I asked her, if she could go back and change her life, would she?...after a moment of silence, she said "no, I wouldn't..." we both agreed that if we could just know then, what we know now....hindsight 20/20 if you will.

The tears threaten to spill over, as I write this, because the memories are right at the surface. years of memories I wish I could erase. I wish I could tell the little girl inside of me, that its going to be ok....that she can cry these tears...but right now I don't know if I can do that....

I wish I didn't trust the words of a man, who's only goal was to get what he wanted from me, using any means necessary....including telling me and making me believe that he loved me....

no words to describe the pain I feel tonight...as the reality of the trauma in my life, begins to come to the surface....