not feeling like myself...

i don't feel like myself a lot lately. waking up confused, having to remember where i am at and whats going on around me. i seem to still function through the day ok, but i feel so dissociated from everything at the same time. i don't know how to make sense of it all either. its only a few days before Christmas, maybe that's why i am feeling this way, as Christmas has always been the time where some of the worst things happened in my childhood.

i hate the fact i can't seem to explain whats going on inside me. so many different things all at once, and i feel like i cant stop any of it. yet still having to put on the smile and the everything is ok face, for the sake of others not asking questions, or telling me to snap out of it....