I haven't posted on this blog in quiet a while. Its hard to find words...as things are constantly changing. I am finally feeling a little better about life, now that the medicine is working more.
I find myself in a constant state of fear lately...fear of facing the past and moving forward...letting go of these bad coping mechanisms I have used to survive for so long.And fear of moving forward...afraid of what the future does or doesn't hold.
I had a really long therapy session today, which was helpful...as she just let me talk and get my thoughts and feelings out in the open...but i couldn't connect the emotions to the feeling...laughing at moments I should probably be crying, and joking in moments when its not really funny...but it was my way of dealing with it, without really dealing with it if that makes sense.
Tomorrow night I start a support group called Untangling Relationships. I am nervous, as I never like rooms full of people...but I am trying to be positive and hope this works out, and I can actually find support and understanding from people who are going through similar things....
There is no quick fix to healing..its a long, painful process...an uphill battle...I just have to keep fighting, because even though I don't know how or when...somehow it has to be ok!
sometimes it feels as though this painful road will never end...
it's been an intense week and a half. i spent 6 days in the hospital, psych unit. now i am trying to get adjusted to the medication they have me on, hoping that it will begin to make some of the darkness disappear so that i can really start to work on all the pain that lies underneath the darkness of depression.
but sometimes like today i question if this painful journey will ever end??
but sometimes like today i question if this painful journey will ever end??
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